As an as-yet unmarried middle-aged single woman I’m in good company, the likes of which include glamorous super-achievers like Condoleezza Rice and Oprah Winfrey. But they seem to have chosen to remain single. I, on the other hand, still hold out hope that one day I’ll be married. I know it seems like a pipe-dream at this stage of the game, but hey, a girl can dream!
To that end, I date. But because men notoriously aim to date women at least a decade younger or more, those my age seem to pass on me. Go where you’re wanted then, I tell myself. That makes my market men in their 60’s. Yes, they’re more crotchety, wrinkled, age-spotted and grayer—if not completely gray. Yes, they don’t know how to dress in keeping with the times and wear their clothes strangely. But if I want to date, I have to accept these things. They say you can’t change a man. And I’ve found that to be the case. Although some of these guys seem so happy to be around someone like me, that they seem willing to change to some degree—if I were to stick w/them long enough to make a relationship happen, that is.
Problem is, before I decide to do that, they shoot themselves in the foot with silly, boyish comments. Comments that make you think you’re not doing them a favor by dating them. Comments like, “well, save a cheek for me!” when I tell one, “sorry I haven’t contacted you in awhile, but I’ve been working my tuchas off”. Or by sending an email indicating how turned on they are when I explain one of the merits of working from home, saying “Office uniform? Whatever you slept in last night.”
And actions like them kissing you goodbye on the first date, ON THE LIPS. Lips? Come on! Is a kiss even necessary right away? If they think they’re so irresistable as to make me enjoy that, then wouldn’t a little strategy like “keep them wanting more” is in order. Therefore, a simple handshake is fine. If they MUST kiss, then how about a kiss on the cheek?
I’ve turned my cheek to several men who’ve aimed for my lips. Unfortunately that usually lands their lips somewhere oddly unintended, like my neck or something. But hey, that’s not my problem.
If everyone in the US subscribed to manners implicitly employed in places like Europe such as kissing once on each cheek, a lot of salutation-quandary would be averted. So, whereas some feel it’s pretentious and meaningless, I vote to enter it into American lexicon. It’s quick, hygienic (because you only touch your cheek to theirs; the kiss you’re effecting is really just an air-kiss); and with the right intention, even romantic and sexy.
To prove a point: when I was on vacation last spring/summer, two (past middle aged) men kissed me on the lips; one during a first meeting and the other, throughout the side-trip he took me on. While I complied with the latter of the two, I never enjoyed it. Not only was he a bad kisser but there was no attraction or passion there. The former did it the first opportunity he got with me after an airport pick-up, during a first walk in the park. Much too premature. Especially when his stomach got there before his face did. So I pulled away just as I felt his tongue exit his mouth and attempt to enter mine.
Fast forward a month later, as I’m departing last lodging I stayed in. The staff worker, someone I saw during all my comings and goings; someone who hoisted my two heavy suitcases onto the airport shuttle, then without thinking, kissed me on both cheeks goodbye. And DAMN, if my heart didn’t flutter!! I thought about that kiss on and off throughout the entire shuttle ride, if not during the 16 hour flight back home. Now THAT was a guy with manners—with a pinch of seductivity thrown in for good measure!
